Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
