We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
