In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
love makes seman taste better
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
His hands were made for my vagina.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
