remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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