Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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