epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
