see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
