Apparently you make a good broom.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
