all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
