Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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