im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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