You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
