Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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