Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
