...so i touched it.
Small penises have feelings too.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
