Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
