areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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