i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
