I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
