I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
3 2 1 whiskey
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
