Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize