Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
