and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Randomize
