Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
