Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
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I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
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I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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