Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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