I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
