What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
