i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
