If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
