ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
