Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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