Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
