counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
