I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
