Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize