when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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