Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
