fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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