dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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