you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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