Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
