watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There's always time for handjobs
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
