I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
