its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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