how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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