and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
