you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
