I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
