Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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