is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I had to cum in my sink.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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