Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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