you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
