All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
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