He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
