Please, let me fuck your mom
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
