You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
