I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
