piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
