Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
